Another after 1am late night with pain. He went from room to room. Needing to “walk it out”. Me reminded of all the times he’s paced in pain. Sadness and anger and exhaustion setting in as I could see the pain in his walking and him just wishing for it to subside so we could go to bed. We saw the pain doc yesterday and left with a few options from him and an appointment in a month. His oncologist also called last night with a specific question about the trial drug we stopped and since I had her on the phone, we discussed the options of which only one of the four she was “ok” with. Sooooo…… I’ll keep on the search. No rest for the weary. And today I have an upper endoscopy this afternoon. The joys of stress. So in the quiet of the morning with only the hum of the heat and the birds who sang for the sun still happy outside, I sit with a Disney blanket and my ever running thoughts. Maybe that medically induced nap this afternoon won’t be so bad.

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