“I think it’s getting worse” Adler “You think what is worse?” I ask. “My pain.” As he’s pacing the room late last night. I ask why he thinks that and we discuss it. No matter the answer, no matter the why behind his explanation we both know why. We both know the cause. And we both hate it. Soon after the meds that he took that he said didn’t help much and the compound pain cream that he said he thinks needs to be heightened (I’m calling about that today) dulled it just enough he asked if he could sleep with me. I said of course and I knew right then he needed that extra comfort just to fall asleep. He’ll begin school again tomorrow, if he’s up to it. They had a make up day today from last week so tomorrow it is. We hope. Pain has taken so much from him. Too much. And many days like today I wonder if I have done everything I can to give just a little back to him that cancer and pain have stolen. The depression has drown me many times but yet I have somehow adapted and learned how to breathe underwater. That doesn’t mean it’s easy or healthy or even settling. My mind is never settled. Ever. The down holds hands with the up and anxiety/panic are the downs best friend. It has taken a tole on us that is immeasurable and often indescribable but trudge on we do. We have to. And hope is all we have. I will make all my calls today and try to remember to eat and to rest and to breathe and to drink my water and to appreciate and to be present in the suck. A lil day dreaming in there too!! That’s necessary. A survival technique of sorts. So as I embrace the suck today I will think of his precious breathing that I listened to this morning as he rolled over. I hugged Big Monkey good morning and told him to sleep more, that I was getting up and I’d see him in a bit. A morning in the life of us. The Elizabeth and Adler show brought to you by inoperable metastasized pilomyxoid astrocytoma brain cancer. Cheers to Monday, may you be so lucky to only complain about that!!!!

from Life with our little Super Hero Adler Bear https://ift.tt/3f4MiIX

Adler