I know it is. I know because after the talk we had last night just he and I while sitting on his bed with him before he went to sleep took it to another depth and left me feeling so stranded and helpless for him…..I know it’s hard for him. Feeling defeated and left with no goal. No endgame. No finish line. Pain has plagued him for so long now that even some return to normal has left him still feeling empty and rather hopeless. The shinny of reality has worn off for him. Another new doctor’s visit looming and grabbing for more answers and direction with a possible new diagnosis is so regular for us and for him that it’s not even the classic silver lining anymore. Hearing what I heard from him was so heavy and honest that the deep breaths I took walking down the hall afterwards from his bedroom to mine were not enough to even begin to cleanse me. It stuck with me until the morning. Another Adler and Mom talk brought to you by cancer and pain. I hate them but I am also glad we can have them. His openness with me is necessary and his ability to express himself and his feelings is beyond special, it’s sacred. These talks have aged with him. Gained emotional potency and man do they pack a powerful punch. I told him when we were done that I appreciated him talking to me about it all. Navigating through it with him is an honor to me. I told him I was oddly happy he still wanted to talk to me about all of this stuff and he said he always would. I hope that he does. I told him that he is a very very amazing person and that I truly admire him for absolutely everything he has had to go through. I patted his leg after I stood up. I kissed his arm like I always do and touched his new hair cut hair and smiled at him in the dark. So here I am battling my own sniffles that he so kindly shared with me. Sitting in the family room by myself with the shades still drawn listening to the hum of the refrigerator while everyone still sleeps trying to find some sense in it all. Trying. I’ll let the light in later but not quite yet……

from Life with our little Super Hero Adler Bear https://ift.tt/2VyfuSC

Adler