I had a root canal scheduled for this morning. Adler was going to go school. But. He’s exhausted. Uncomfortable. And when he was getting dressed and came in the other room where I was just finishing my toast, he didn’t have any color in his face and said he didn’t feel well and was “so tired” So. I rescheduled the root canal. Text his teacher and got him back in his recliner with some orange juice and I’m sitting with him. Could a grandparent have watched him? Yes. But if the shit goes down and it has and it could, I need to be here. I took some motrin and Tylenol combo for my little tooth pain, took off my bra and threw on a different shirt. I’ll stick his lunch in the fridge for later if he wants it and keep my eye on him today. It’s literally one day at a time here.

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Still up with Adler who’s in pain. Meds taken and pain cream used. Mother’s Day. A day I wasn’t supposed to have but did it anyway against doctor’s orders and was given the gift of life that is our son Adler. He grew inside me from love. From the moment I knew he was in there to when I found out he was a he, to the first feeling of movement to the moment I knew he was ready to come out to meet me. Finally, he would be in my arms. Finally, I could see him, touch him, breathe him in and hold my baby. He is beyond a gift because his light and love of life is contagious and shared wherever he goes. He is becoming his own unique young man and what a beautiful perosn that is. Everyday with him is a gift. He is my world, my everything and today he put in his hand made card to me that I am HIS everything. And that is what Mother’s Day is to me……everything!!!

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Ohhhh. My. 7 yrs ago. This picture gets me every time. His foot is in his puke bucket. It was with us for way too long. We ended up burning it, crushing it and burying it after his first treatment. He wasn’t diagnosed with hydrocephalus or cancer yet. Misdiagnosed and dying. He was drowning in his own fluid and we didn’t know. Soon. Soon he would be saved by one of his now two neurosurgeons! He barely walked because he was dizzy and that chair helped his buttock pain a little bit. What a hell we’ve lived in but thankfully, we’re still in it. 💙💙💙💙

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Ohhhh. The sunshine is so beautiful today. Yes it’s chilly but that sun is shining so brightly!! The pictures do not do it justice at all but the rays are coming down hard!!! It is much needed today. Adler was up late last night with pain in both arms and in his right leg. We did everything. Meds, pain creams, massagers…..it barely dulled it. Finally he was so tired he was able to sleep. He’s not going to school today because of it. But he made it 3 days in a row which is fantastic!! And today I will call the oncologist because I mean come on. More “new” pain in his arms isn’t good. More pain anywhere sucks. So. Today. Today the sunshine is more than necessary!!!!

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